Rico Amore Presents

The scientific community held its breath as renowned theorist Riley released his findings today. "I'm very excited about it," Riley commented, "the world has waited long enough." The Turd Discrepancy is as simple as it is beautiful. Basically, the Turd Discrepancy settles the mystery of sitting on the pot feeling that a very large turd has been produced when actually the turd is quite small, often the size of a chicken nugget. The reverse is also solved when the feeling of a teeny-turd results in having to get a coat hanger to chop it up, also know as the "double-flusher." Although Riley would not go into specific details about how the theory works, he did say this has been several years in the making. "All I wanted was an explanation," Riley averred.

Finding the inspiration shouldn't be the hard part, but it is. These days fly by and I hardly have time to blink. The time conspiracy is gaining momentum and it appears to be catching people completely off guard. "Take it easy and see if you miss anything," Max calmly drawls. "That's easy for you to say, you're a dog. What do you know about getting up early and going to work?" Riley says. Max smiles big now, he knows he pulled Riley's chain. Max senses the advantage with, "What are you even working for?" "You don't own your possessions - they own you." Riley also has a grin now, "Max, I think you've watched Fight Club too many times." "Riley, you could have been a dirt farmer in Peru, what happened to your inner hobo?" Max points out. "I like being clean too much to take that path, and eating, I really like good food," Riley retorts, "and I'm a golf addict - that shit's expensive.

A sign hangs in my window stating, "kids don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." The other day two seniors were pointing at the sign and laughing. I know it's not cool to care too much about anything when you're in high school, but the whole scene left me thinking about all the people I hear on a daily basis exclaiming, "Oh, I don't care about _________." It's the apathy, stupid. The deeper gears of my brain link this feeling of not giving a shit to the reasons that a great county like the United States is nosediving into a ruthless capitalist society where merit, justice, and talent lose to nepotism, cronyism, and bureaucracy. Not to oversimplify, but when smart people start losing out to an idiot with friends in high places everyone suffers - think Brown formerly of FEMA shame. So what? So let's start caring again. Care about everything from politics to people.