Rico Amore Presents

my trip will take me to the western shore where i will find friends from long ago i'm working on new material so as not to be a boor in fact there's props, a sequin suit and a wig of 'Fro. till then coffee and not much else will keep me going, perhaps i'll find a crumb ere i die or at least abuse thy self attempting to not starvation succumb alas tis time to bid adieu  and avoid making this any more frou frou

Hot Car Too True Not Mine So Sad

winter offends much caressing keyboards should not  hurt down to the soul possibly phoenix people consider hell reversed 

Flinging maidens in hot...

challenging but not arduous frustrating or causing too much sweat

Reaching for beer alas i'm cold zombie at work

frozen amid more freezing forced brain shrinkage now zombie Riley wins

because i needs to take add-vantage of not writing in poetic form - i hope you remember Bug cuz u wr all effed up drinking jager bombs an shit that shit was fun though fuckin a - you not a true balla unless you drink a drank that ends in BOMB!

CAMINO Holey Crapp This is like the very best browser i dun ever seen. fuck I was surfing for some shit like cashmere fucking socks and i found this speed site that rated browsers and i was all like fuck what the fuck is camino so i downloaded that shit cuz it was the fastest an shit - i thought that would bee obvious as to why i dl'ed but w@erv some people are strait dumbasses anywy so now i have camino and it is pure bomb and you know what? fucking that speed site was right this bitch loads pages like all kinds fast an shit dammmmm yo not a true balla unless you gots CAMINO!!!!

yo

That's right  I said Reviews, not just one but many, many many reviews. First The Piece of Shit Movie that is  Pineapple Express Holy crap, this is what passes for ganja movie these days? Absolute Crap from start to finish. Let's go over a checklist of movie components: Acting: Crap Dialogue: Crap Plot: Crap Setting, DVD Cover Art, Cinematography, Run Time, Premise, Devices, Characterization, Credits: Crap, Crap, Crap, Crappitycrapcrap!  To think the once great genre pioneered by Cheech and Chong is reduced to PnaplExprs. Even How High was better and that movie sucked. With similar qualities to a Doritos' commercial, this uninspired travesty of a movie failed at even the most basic elements of a stoner movie.  I give PnAplXrps 3 limp Donkey Dick sangwitches  Then I watched  Iron Man Ok for a Marvel flick - I never really liked RD Jr. but he was ok in this - I think he was better in A Scanner Darkly but whatever. Jeff what's his name is really good as the traitor. I give

whats the sitches bitches? i can tell you right now that i didnt plan on being on that shit but after the millionth person told me that i was missing out on keeping in touch with all kinds of people i had almost forgotten about i figured what the whom and bit the big one and so now i am in the process of  friend shopping that's right - you read it here first bitches friend shopping is a term for shopping for people i want to be friends with and not adding people that i know but dont care to be friends with so i shop for the people who are still barely my friends but i figured that it wouldnt hurt to add some people i know to see if there was anything going on or whatever - so if you know me and want to FB friend me then fucking go for it and much like my old MySpace page it will go the way of the white buffalo  

BACON

And I just can't hide it - I'm about to lose my shit and I think it's great that Palin can go back to her hole and continue being a bad parent. Ok - no negativity -  I am so relieved that Obama won. I have a renewed faith in America. I cried tears of joy when I realized that there would be no more Bush. A new day dawns on the home of the brave. I am no longer mad at the thought that there is nothing I can do about the fact that Bush ran the country into the ground, because now, now there's hope. Please start petitioning that Bush and Cheney be convicted of war crimes - One Million dead Iraqis should be enough to convict the modern Hitler.

Ok reader,  you know that I am usually not offensive at all - I hate people who offend me,  and I am never opinionated - say what you want, that's just my opinion,   but I am going out on a limb here to be political.  Now my politesse in never in question,  and my politic behavior is cromulent,  but I have to go off on  ALL THESE FUCKING RACISTS WHO  SUPPORT MCCAIN JUST BECAUSE  HIS OPPONENT IS ALMOST BLACK. I ask you, Palin supporters,  just how fucking retarded are you?  Because my retard-o-meter exploded  when she opens her goddamned racist mouth. The worst is that I think McCain is A-OK,  but compared to Obama, he is political dog shit.  The racism is rampant in McCain supporters.  Just ask any single one of them to explain ANY of his policies in ANY amount of detail and give ANY reason why it is better than Obama's.  Do it!  Fucking do it now.  See.  Not one can tell you shit about a McCain policy. Republicans are proud of their ignorance.  This is why it is impossible to

Amy Tan - you know, the author? Joy Luck Club? hello? Anyway it was cool as shit - shit in Antarctica bitches. For the full interview read PULP or some shit 

Staring into the shattered mirror, I see the fragments of my life. Some pieces are more complete and show a clear reflection, while others are dark shards that cut deep if you try to handle them. Let go of some pain. Pain I never wanted to acknowledge but always knew was there. Why pain? Because no one ever wants to let go of their most loved moments. Letting go, catharsis is the word, releases emotions as simply as the pen flicks across the page. Letting go of this idea that somehow I was inferior, never up to some drunkenly imagined standard that was soon forgot is a whisky haze. The release is mostly healthy, but it incites anger as deep as the mostly ignored pain. The kind of anger that makes burn marks in my mind thus not ever allowing me to let go of it completely. It deepens the marks a reminder of how I would never choose to be. Peering into the pieces, some peer back, these notions of destruction bent on forcing me to confront them, culprits long dead and few caring ears ensur

Here's what I came up with. um, uh, like, yeah...

some of you mac users could help a brotha out wit some tips an shit

No one says shit about my fabu photo from Craig CO - but tell the truth about a mac being a piece of shit and watch the muthafucking sky fall. To sum up: I bought an iMac because I thought I needed a new 'puter (which I did, sort of) and then had buyers remorse because I could have picked up a new sony vaio (top rated 'puter of all time) for about $500 less, then I wrote about it, and bam shitstorm. Thoreau would be pissed.

A lot has been written about the battle between Macs and PC - everyone has seen the stupid commercials that prey upon t he wannbe hipster who wished they were a graphic designer or some other rock star type job , meanwhile portraying the PC as a stodgy old fucker who is clearly out of touch and a McCain/Palin supporter-douch bag. So here you go people - Macs Suck Big Donkey Balls You heard me Macs Suck They suck as hard as a drunk prom date they suck at everything I know from first hand experience. I have three PC laptops (don't ask why I have three - one Toshiba, one HP and one Dell all of them Windows based from Windows 98 to Vista all of them at least $400 cheaper than a Mac equivalent) I have also had a mac book pearl and now am the sorry fucking owner of a $1200 piece of shit iMac. The programs I download and install aren't there when I restart the thing - it won't burn a CD without creating two or three CD drink coasters first. It freezes when it runs into something

I know I promised the most mind blowing post ever, but I have been preoccupied with the minutiae of daily life. Not school, not golf, not anything you might imagine that would keep me from posting the most amazing post ever - of what do I speak you wonder? Fucking  How It's Made This shit is mesmerizing, I literally can't get enough of this shit. The show that tells me how propeller blades and boomerangs are made - I mean - com'on. I watched how they make fucking hotdogs,  dude that shit was gross - I swear I will never eat a muthafuking hotdog again. This one time, they made guitar strings - holy shit. Sometimes they make lame shit like fake fireplace logs or f ake fuking bonsai trees - but then I don't mind the lame shit, I just think how lucky I am that I don't have that as my fuking job. Sitting around making fake little trees???  Did they look through the want ads and say,  "Whoa, am I reading this right?  $7.75 and hour to make fake little trees?  Dude t

I ass-sure you I am fucking working on a new post - the most mind blowing  hee hee blowing fucking post you dun evr read ya hear foo? no go watch one of the finest achievements in cinema til I'm dun - sucka

you

First - dang some of that shit is pretty cool, there is no way I would jump from the super high dive (I'm pretty sure that's what it's called).  Second, some of that shit needs to be considered a hobby, not an Olympic sport. Seriously, I love badmiton as much as anyone, and I know the birdie flies more than 120 mph, but that shit is a game people play in backyards at birthdays and bbq's.  Also, fuck fencing as a sport. It's not much more of a sport than freeze tag. So, now we have. Riley's improvements to the Olympics. First, that shit is too long. I'm saying cut it back to a long weekend tops. Second, new sports - for example. The Grocery Bag Carry - back in my NYC days, I would never buy groceries, not because I didn't want to eat, but because I live at the top of a five story walk up. So the sport is a competitor has to jump down five flights of stairs, sprint to the store (we'll say three blocks) sprint back with at least six full bags of heavy s

Now this takes a second longer because you first need to bash your own head in with an iron skillet before you can like this movie. Lars and the Real sumthin sumthin. What a boring piece of shit - as if an entire town would do something like that for some nerd who "works" in a cubicle. I know I need to suspend my believeitude or some shit, but fuck. That word sums it up, fuck . Like, "Fuck, I just watched this crap." Or, "Fuck, what a gay ass movie." And, "Fuck that shit." 

Get ready for the muthafukin Dark muthafukin Knight! Dude! That shit rocks - and Heath L as the Joker - freaking awesome Man that one scene with the pencil - holy fuck. And that other one where that one dude dies - dammmm. The only thing that was kinda weak was that Maggie Jill and Hall looked like a cutting board with teeth.  There - I think that was two seconds.

So, there I was. Sitting on a nexflix movie for the last 2.35 weeks, not watching it because, well because I don't watch a lot of movies. Anyway, there I was just a few minutes ago watching this piece of shit because I had some down time and got tired of cnbc and pow this movie sucks sucks balls big time Before the Devil Knows You're Dead omg do NOT watch this piece of crap I started and in like two minutes I had the dvd on 1.5x speed, then on 10x speed, finally I turned that shit up to 30x speed and even then it was too fucking slow and boring a guy robs a jewelry store, shoots his mom or some shit the brother set him up the dad finds out and kills his ass in a hospital throw in the total PORN scene at the beginning and some bullshit second robbery and ta da what a piece of total fucking shit but don't take my word for it if you live in Colorado Springs (or anywhere else for that matter) and have a "respect life" license plate then chances are you would fucking

Faithful readers will remember my beloved Hobo Juice. It is a legitimate drink called a Calimocho, (very popular in Spain and parts of S. America) which is a mixed drink of red wine and Coke or diet Coke, on ice, in a tumbler. Freaking YUM!  Anyway, the next big thing in mixology, maybe the next big thing in the history of all things that are vital to the universe, maybe the single greatest gift to humanity, or at least in the top five is a new drink very similar to a Brass Monkey (malt liquor with a splash of orange juice) is the ghetto mimosa, or the rattlesnake, or POR, or just an Orange Ribbon. That's right. PBR and orange juice! Ta Da. It is sofa king good . You really can't beat it for a refreshing summer time trip to heaven. In a pint glass, pour >2 oz. of orange juice and top off with an ice-cold can of PBR and enjoy. I am "officially" naming this drink an ORANGE RIBBON (trademark, patent pending).  So, the next time you go to a bar, say "I'll hav

Now is where (or "when" you picky fuckers) I go on and on about how the summer flew by and I didn't do shit.  Those of you who have to work all the time - otherwise known as chumps - will give me no quarter but who cares? I mean whom cares? Ok, so I did some writing, not just for this piece of shit blog, but for a legit paper that those cool kids know about and read and love and... But other than play in the city tourney, and teach a creative writing class, work a wine festival in Paonia , spank it, and invent the internet, I didn't do shit.  Not that I didn't want to be more productive, but I feel that the Earth's gravitational pull is especially strong in my ass. In fact, right now I have a team of scientists studying the phenomena. They are calling it " Culo Magnetico " - (yes they're Mexican scientists, you fucking racists).  Sure, I discussed the coming armageddon, but seriously, who didn't?  So I know you're all on the edge of you

golf was cool - the first two days were shit - but I shot 77 on the last day

you people are cruel

I think it's my competitive nature (of course I'm talking about golf here), but whatever the cause, I simply can't make it. I hope you'll understand. And anyway, my lone reader, I'm sure if I were there I would be a total asshole, getting dee-runk and shouting some incoherent babble followed by shouting "this is america gaadammit" and then throwing up on your best friend's shoes and telling your other friends that their favorite ___________ ( fill in with band, pet, color, restaurant, movie, book, tv show, brand of cigarette, political leanings, supermarket, fruit or vegetable, clothes and or shoe brand, etc. ad nauseam ) sucks balls in the most profound way. So, the way I look at it - I'm doing you a huge favor. You're welcome. 

The house was hot as usual, the smell was gone for the most part, there was a mess in the kitchen, and the dirty clothes on the floor were starting to form a coalition. Moths kept appearing from nowhere making me think that all of my nice wool suits were being eaten, not that I cared - I haven't worn a suit in a while and it's not looking like I was going to in the near future. Sleeping is still a problem. I am not sure why, but getting up around five in the am is starting to suck balls. After a few minutes with the fan on the house should cool down. Must resist the temptation to drink a tasty clamato PBR. Must stay fresh for this week and next. Must keep writing about how the end of the world is not near - not by a fucking long shot. The misery index is barely starting to peek its head out of its shell.  If each day is a reason to smile then each day is a reason to make me a grilled cheese - cuz that shit would make me smile.  The low rattle of the fan starts to get on my nerv

I have only been off for a week and I nearly died after three meeting in one day. I know I won't get a lot of sympathy from this crowd but still, jeezus.

on yonder buttcrack breaks?

put it in yo' calendars beyatches  - I is presenting sum shit @ the uni and I gets paid. This is how I do in the muthafukin summer time.

You are a wonderful person. I like beer. I suppose you feel like drinking beer See #1 You drink beer Sincerely, Riley 

forgot to add 6. my jokes stay fresh forever

All of these delicious beers come from the same place - like that Simpsons episode where Homer doesn't know ham, bacon, and pork all come from the same animal "Oh yes, some magical animal?"

Man I'm old! No it's not my birthday, I am almost done with another school year. All of my kids were pretty good, they wished me a good summer - not knowing that I would be approaching hobo status (no shower, PBR's strewn about, perpetually in underwear ) while they were prepping for their first year of college - Yes, 6 weeks of sitting on the couch with the tv off, watching my phone not ring, and wondering how much more I can take. But there's always next year, like some movie you've seen before except the dialogue is somehow different and everyone else is the same age but you managed to get older and older, until you find yourself sitting here writing posts exclaiming how fucking old you are - yeah like anyone would want to read that shit. I would like to say that I will go to the gym everyday and get all buff and shit, but you fucking know that it is about a million times easier to hook up the PBR's and watch golf on tv . So add that to a list of things th

I love you guys - who ever the fuck anonymoose is, thanks for the update on Nokia. Plus I have seen that page a bunch before and laughed my face (which apparently is a piece of shit) off. I have to admit - after being all jazzed up to get a iphone, I am starting to rethink it. For one - it's $500 dollars - do you know what size crack rock I could buy with that? For two - I hear mixed reviews about the actual quality of it - I already have a phone that sucks For three - As soon as I buy it, there will be the iphone 2000 xl that is only $29.95 and smokes your pole while you make calls. For four - now that I have threatened sprint, they are up my ass to make nice - of course, they lose 50,000 customers a week! For five - did I mention $500 JFC!!! Anyway - the other funny part of the whole consumer whore thing is - and I said this in my last post - is who isn't one? People in Africa, that's who. And they wish they were. Who's that Russky who wrote "how much land does

To Anonymous, Grow some balls and revel yourself if you're going to post "consumer whore" on this here blog. Also, the irony is you have a computer if you're reading this shit and you have Internet access, so I guess you're also a consumer whore. Do you live in a hut that you built yourself? On Walden pond? In Concord? You fucking hypocrite. Do you eat only food you grow yourself? I thought not. Hop in your Land Cruiser and go buy a pound of used clothes at the Goodwill and shut the fuck up.    Meanwhile, I'll go to Starbucks and have a Venti Mocha. ps Thanks for giving me something to rant about.

oh yeah this 

Dear Almost Sole Reader , I would consider that directions are only mildly helpful since one's true happiness is a place that others wouldn't care for very much. But, there are a few things that can help you get started in the right direction. Also, when I started this post I was much happier. What happened? I don't know but there are a few leads I'll be following and keep you updated. Anyway. For starters, I would keep a list of things and people you like and who make you smile - you don't need to do anything with the list, just make it and keep it somewhere. Next, make a list of all the things/people who get in the way of happiness. Take that list and burn it. If this doesn't work go out and buy some shoes. Hope this helps, D

Now that I have paid off all of my credit card debt (thanks kt) I'll soon be adding to my zero balance. I won't go into great detail ( surprised ? I didn't think so) but it all adds up to the tune of 2large. Fuck it - just "get drunk and charge it" as my trusted advisers told me. So anyway - just thought I would give my two readers a glimpse into the financial future. On the bright side, I bought Visa at 55 and today's midday number was 71 - fuck yeah! Anything else? The end of the school year is fast approaching. I know many of the two of you are wondering what I'll be up to for 7 weeks, so I'll close with a list of possibilities. 1. golfing 2. drinking 3. shooting pool 4. rocking out with my cock out 5. listening to TOOL 6. did I mention golfing? 7. preparing to empower future generations 8. reading up on some obscure topic so I can sound smart at parties 9. having parties and forcing people to listen to some shit about how it is impossible to define

Sometimes the things I find myself doing/considering/pondering/expounding I wonder how truly fucking crazy I am. Why on Earth? Why me? Why would I even consider such actions? (don't even consider to venture to try to think about guessing what the hell I'm talking about - you'll never get it and I'll never tell - listen to me ramble to my two readers, sorry where was I?) In the course of my life so far, I have never been know for my pragmatism. Prolly the opposite is closer to the truth; anything seen to most as "foolish, impractical, or flat out brainless" is right up my alley. So, one could posit, that I am only doing what comes naturally. Post hoc, one could argue that, much like J. Alfred Prufrock, living a life in fear sucks. Living for someone else, or adhering to someone else's rules is for the birds (not literally of couse, birds come and go wherever and whenever, then shit on your car and listen to gansta rap 'cuz they don't give a fuck). A

am building my  willpower. I will conquer this. I am the mountain not the thought that tries to  move it. I can see  a  future where I am  Happy Forever. 

whisperings tickle from the inside out smile often share icecream keep this feeling work please work don't fall

between in and un is fun to play with that's unsane it's inclear to me now keep it going people...

Sup Foo?

Say to you if we lived together. I "accidentally" peed on your toothbrush What cake? I didn't think it was that dirty I'll do it later No, you're welcome Come on, just the tip What, oh - just kidding about the "tip" bit Let me check my schedule, um, NO I feel like some muthfukin Taco-Bell You didn't know I was a nudist?

I saw Van Muthafukin Halen? It was sweet as you might have guessed. Pretty much what a rock show should be. Eddie was pure genius, David was kinda old but still cool.

I got what America needs

I am the most modest.

Moby Dick! For one, Moby Dick is Massive! Moby Dick easily turns into My Dick. Therefore - My Dick is Massive. For two, a story with Dick in the name should not have so many references to SEAMEN. (thanks, Flint, for the heads-up on that one) So there you go - forget about Melville, realism, symbolism, the fact that Herman and Nathaniel were Ass-pirates together , and all the other shit I had "planned" for the next week.

not just a verb! Add to list of words you can't say, along with dictate astronaut, pronounced ass- tronaut

ain't shit compared to

Pondering the thought of yet another evening reciting Frost and contemplating quantum-post-neo-anti-Darwinism (where people who should normally, Darwinically, die off from excessive stupidity are actually being rewarded in today's society, even becoming president), Max decided to invent the greatest contribution to dog kind. The thought came from Max's uncanny ability to drip gross slobber water onto my bare toes after drinking from his giant water bowl. No small feat considering he once had to save water in his beard, walk all the way through the house, into the living room where I was watching golf and wring out his beard on my bare toes. So his new invention was the drool-materializer. Months of planing led to his device that could transport drool on to bare feet anytime within 30 minutes of drinking and in a range of 500 feet. I'll spare you the details of the inner workings, but know that it works!