Rico Amore Presents

stupid Onion

the final flake falls softly like an umlaut in a language other than German four frozen fingers search with their boon companion, the thumb, for a lost key to the door in your mind that's been locked for a thousand years filled with red-eyed, white rabbits the size of hair salons under this blanket of white we are all doomed to happiness we are all blessed with anguish

Balls Nuts Moist Shaft Hairy Crack Duty Throb Wack Crank Wiggle Post comments on any words I left off the list. There you go - never say these words unless you want a wave of giggles- even though I laugh as I look at them now.

To the person who is savvy on the subjects of wine, bugs, and life! Cheers!

Day of the Ninja! 10. Watch TV in someone else's underwear. 9. Hide behind curtains and call the dog - try not to laugh as dog looks confused. 8. Throw a pencil a someone while saying, "waaa-pooooow!" 7. Tap someone on the right shoulder while standing on the left. 6. Use the ol' "Did you see what I did to my elbow?" trick. 5. Jump down at least 5 stairs. 4. 3. That's how ninja 4 was - you couldn't even see it! 2. Kick James Bond's ass. 1. Stab a pirate.

and ye shall receive

trying too hard will show up as red spots not trying at all and the page remains blank my thoughts stage a mutiny stranding me hopeless and alone interpreting the effort becomes easy after the first twenty years you can make out the black and blue lines against a white background slants, angles and curves come together to form messages that, again, take years to interpret

I fully support the right to speak and write freely and without snickering, but seriously - all of you christian, right-wing, conservative hypocrites need to read the following sentence written by a former student arguing against gay marriage and then go castrate yourselves. (since I know how many of you read this blog o'crap regularly) The rest of the world, the sane ones, read and laugh - the whole fuking paper was like this. Two pages long, all one paragraph, with the title a simple "Gay Marriage," oh what a hoot to read. "Alot of people in this world would disagree with my opinion and argue my point but everyone is intitled to the own opinion and belifes in that they think some belife to follow the Bible and it's belifes on human life and others would like to see change in the world and have more oppitions to there horizens and see change in a new life." I love the comma use, oh wait - but I did enjoy the logical thought process, oh, um, well there is th

you can't stop the constant posts

Upon arrival, I noticed the faint odor of burning hair.

actually - (any motherfuker who starts out saying "actually" is a pompus ass. you just know that what's coming next is some long winded line of bullshit that some douche bag searched on the internet and then tried to pretend that they fuking knew it the whole time like "actually, the longest continously flowing river in Austrailia is the Murray" - or some fucking nonsense like that. what kind of loser would be so desperate to impress people with their superficial knowledge as to start out with "actually" I mean - what a pathetic wad of crap - what? do they live their whole lives just to sound smart? are they just waiting for that ONE opportunity to bore the shit out of someone the next time they hear a conversation about quantum physics so they can throw in some shit about " heidegger's cat, and how quantum fuzziness is like a cup of coffee with the cup sitting empty and the coffee in liquid form floating just outside the cup but that the real

"Brain?" "Yes." "Go away." "ok."

at a ghazal yes i can hear you, who couldn't at that volume? and perhaps you were crying or perhaps you were laughing the whole time my days are filled now with "no, yes, and maybe," but there you are a picture of frivolity, letting hours drip by, laughing the whole time a short trip to the country, a quick swim in the river a long nap before sunset and you by the fire smiling, laughing the whole time even when the rain forced us in instead of out the lightening cracked and the windows shook while you were laughing the whole time love is a dandelion, just acknowledge it can't be stopped DTown wrecks the path of the mountain while you are laughing the whole time

*****REAL STORY from my beloved home town********** Tortilla spat lands woman in jail A family disagreement over who ate the last tortilla in the house landed a Pueblo woman in jail on Tuesday. Police responded to the 1300 block of East Evans Avenue at 4:25 p.m. after getting a report of a woman yelling for help there, according to a report by Pueblo police officer Nick Martinez. When officers arrived, they discovered that an 18-year-old woman and her 49-year-old aunt had calmed down since the disturbance. They both admitted they had been in a physical altercation “over taking the last tortilla.” The 18-year-old was wanted on an unrelated warrant. When police said she was under arrest, she had a panic attack. She was taken by ambulance to St. Mary-Corwin Medical Center, where she was treated and released into police custody. Neither woman wanted to pursue charges against the other over the incident. *****doesn't everyone have a warrant out for their arrest? Damn Patriot Act!*******

we use the word "swang" for the past tense of swing? cuz you and all yur fancy airs don't add up to nuthin - that's why

Properly duct tape your dog. Step one: You need a reason to duct tape your dog, and because I want to isn't sufficient. Ok - any reason is prolly good enough to duct tape the mutt. Fukin tape away! Huzzah! Step two: After finding a "reason", (ours was the dog was leaking after a botched surgery to remove a benign fatty mass - we super glued him first, which would have worked but the glue broke apart leaving sharp-edged, chunks of super glue matted with black hair. The vet thought a 80 pound lab would be ok with a few stitches - what a tard.) where was I? oh yeah - get some tape and cut it into sections that make a nice big square around the reason. Step three: Mix a salve of vitamin E and some type of healing ointment. Apply the salve to a thick pad of gauze and stick to the underside of the taped square. Step four: Apply the square to the dog. This is the most fun part. The over sized square isn't just for looks, it allows the tape to stick to plenty of dog fur, whic

fucking time since my last post. I guess I was in awe of the Spree. But now beeyatches, I am reminded of something new to be in awe of Ted Mutha Fukin Nugent Yes people - that's what it is "You got to kill it before you can grill it" The man is the true embodiment of what it means to live out the American Dream. "This is what I do 365 - This guitar is what I do 365, this bow and arrow is what I do 365" "Do you feel it?" "You feel that shit" That's when I screamed out from my second row seat - "Yes, I feel that shit!" Highlights of the show include Journey to the center..., Cat Scratch..., Stranglehold, Great White Buffalo, Free for all, and his tribute to all of his "soul brothas." So now you know - If you don't like The Nuge - you ain't shit. Anything else going on? No - I have been busy as all get out with school and coaching golf. I have a myspace page that I haven't looked at since July. Max has his d

last night i saw the polyphonic spree maybe the best show i've ever seen my whole life the gothic theater is tiny and there are 22 people with instruments on stage - i mean seriously, i didn't know a band with trumpets and a cello could rock that hard. it's refreshing to see people who love what they do.

MMMM, Fresh!

That means it's time for some serious medical information. Do you suffer from SBS ? Millions do, you could be one of them! SBS , or Sweaty Ball Syndrome , affects many unsuspecting men every summer . As the temperature rises, so do the chances that YOU could get SBS . "Last year, I got SBS so bad I couldn't even walk," claims Tad Fresher, a local man employed as the photo-finish operator at the turtle races. What can be done? you're wondering. Not much - as it is, even in the cooler months, men are afflicted with SBS . With the rise in temperature, it's inevitable that more will suffer. "My balls sweat - period, day or night, hot weather be dammed, they frikkin sweat year-round" exclaimed Feelmi SacDuWrink , an exchange student finishing his undergrad in Digital Environmental Bio-fusion.

Click Here - don't be afraid

wine - duh! Did you know that a wooden barrel can cost $750! Now you do! See, it's educational. 1929 " Hoopie " Pretty freakin sweet - the ride is a little bumpy - you should hear the horn, the old wraaaaaawraaaa style. My dream home. It has a hint of burnt toast, slight tones of dusty mushroom, and a cherry-tobacco finish. Black Canyon with cool clouds. This drive was simply gorgeous the whole way. I could see why so many people move here. Merlot grapes - that's pronounced MerhLott for you fancy oneophiles.

aaagh - even looking at it on the 'pueter is freakin me out. This lucky (Lucky I'm too skeard to smash his ass) shit lives in my garage. I don't know if these pictures really do his enormous body justice as this spider is at least 6 inches and weighs a few pounds! Normally I don't mind spiders. I lived in a basement apartment once and I always woke up with spider bites - I was beginning to feel that I was one of them. Spidermanish. Anyway, spiders don't usually freak me out - but this fukin' spider is seriously makin' me shiver! What doth thou thinkus?

Or when you put eye-tunes on shuffle it always plays the Beatles? I think there is some schneaky shit goin on - you know the whole apple/Apple/Apple co-nxtion.

Have you ever seen the E True Hollywood Story about the lottery winners? It's called the Curse of the Lottery - you can probably guess the story, a redneck wins a million dollars and spends it all at Hooters in one night, leaving the waitress a hundred thou for a tip. Or the goody goody christian who wins and moves to Vegas to live with his porn star girlfriend then overdoses on meth while being whipped by midgets on a pile of thousand dollar bills the whole time listening to Gregorian chants played backwards. Then there's the girl who hits the big one, leaves her husband and ten kids, moves to Mexico, gets swindled out of her money by her pool boy's mafia brother and has to sell her self on the streets of Chihuahua and ends up drowning in a puddle of vomit. So now that you have that image - let me tell you what I would do if'n I won the lotto! I would never wear the same socks or underwear more than once. I would start my own basketball team with the requirement that y

In case you didn't know already, I saw muthafukin TOOL!!! Again - that's right beyatches that makes four times that I have seen the greatest band ever!* It was last Wednesday at Colorado Springs World Arena - where there are no bad seats - and even though I have seen the 10,000 days tour before, this time they had a fukin laser light show. Dude - it was like you were trippin' these lasers were flippin around and movin all slow and shit and lookin like they were making all this wiccan triangle shit - fuck dude AND, when they played the song 10,000 days, it was like this 20 minute jam where the stage looked like a frikkin UFO an'shit - holy fuck - man if you missed that, then I really don't see why you even have eyes or ears. The only thing different was they didn't play The Pot - oh well they were fukin astroids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes shit is hard - but not impossible

George Bush is an idiot People who believe in creationism are retards War is never the answer The bible was written by humans - not by god God was invented College will open your mind - but not if it's clown college, beauty college, or Dunkin Donuts University Global warming is real Vegetarians are good people There's nothing wrong with homosexuality (so don't be mad when I call you a fag) Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer to ever have lived Art is essential to happiness Golf is not a game; it is a way of life Your socks ain't shit Dogs are better than cats by about a million degrees Tool rocks - you can agree or be wrong Knife throwing is an essential skill The WTC was brought down by the government using thermite under the direction of Dick(head) Cheny Conan the Barbarian was a great movie Strawberries are the most overrated fruit People who have never had real jobs are bereft of respect It is impossible to be "pro life" and "pro war" without bein

Your socks ain't shit! That's right - I gots me some cashmere muthafukin socks! One for each foot - fo' sho!

WARNING*****PATENT PENDING******COPYRIGHT 2007******* (sorry faithful reader, but I wanna cover my ass since this really is going to be big) OK Get Comfy Stay with me, you go see a show - it's been hyped. The musicians appear. Lights, smoke machine, amps, mics, and the crowd are getting ready. "Check, check, one-two, one-two - ok more in the right monitor - check - ok" Then the guitar starts, tweeern, tweern, tweeeeeen - twaangg - "Ok," the guitarist mutters. Now the drums, then the beginning of one song, then some poetry-slam style freeform, then back to "check one-two." Fucking sweet right? That's the concept behind my new band: SoundCheck! At the end we play one song all the way to just before the end and say "Thank you, goodnight," and start packing up. The best part is we're going to film it and use the footage to make a movie about the band but the movie will be like the "making of" the movie itself - we'll show d

Fuck I hope swearing doesn't offend you! Hi there - I am offically scrapping the plans to hobo to Oregone - fuck getting stabbed! I wasn't too keen on shoving ten dollar bills up may ass either. Anyhoo - my shit is goin to mutherfuckin Bonnaroo That's right -- Dude, The Police are cool and everyting, but come'on , you know everyone just wants to see Sting - he's approaching the living god status - like Bowie or Tiger. Who cares anyway? The Main Event is Fucking TOOL! Driving 18 hours to see Tool might sound crazy but it's not just Tool, The Flaming Lips, Ween, Manu Chao, Gogol Bordello, Dave Atell, well here's the whole line up The Police • Tool • Widespread Panic • The White Stripes • Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals • Wilco • The Flaming Lips • MANU CHAO Radio Bemba Sound System • The String Cheese Incident • Franz Ferdinand • Bob Weir & Ratdog • Damien Rice • Ween • Gov't Mule • Ziggy Marley • The Decemberists • Kings of Leo

I guess I don't know how to post a vid from u-tube click here from some freaky shit

Part two on the socio-cultural experiment of adding a nationality to an everyday item. or From the same mind that brought you the Mexican Toothbrush and a dog who talks to flies comes the round poop and the German tamale. The nationality plus common item - expressed thusly {(N) ~c} x I is now applicable to food stuffs. Make way for the German Tamale the Swedish Pickle the Croatian Kabob the Polish Creme Puff the anyway, create your own while noticing the different connotations each country brings to the food. Now, the round poop. I must tell you, without even a smirk of a hint of a lie, I am not shitting you - literally and figuratively - what follows is pure Colombian Truth. Awhile back, I was at school; it was a good day, no kids. I had the feeling that it would be totally uneventful, everything A - O - K. Coffee worked like it always did, with alacrity. Suddenly, Max is fartin' up a storm - I think we might have to take him to the vet

I can always count on my friend KS to be a good source of reality. Long thought of as a misanthrope, and rightly so, he never seemed to be totally on the same thought plane as me, but now I'm not no sure. I was out one fine evening when it dawned on me that I can't make small talk for shit. If it's not that important, I prefer that people keep their fuckin pieholes shut. Well, on said evening I was forced to make some small talk and do you know where it got me. A long walk home on a sub-zero night while two people DROVE home in their cars right past me. I must admit that I wasn't alone. Good ol' JM was there to share my misery. Basically, it came down to my inability to talk about "The OC," the mall, anything to do with a fraternity/sorority, or Paris Hilton. On a brighter note, golf season will soon start. So the two brain dead shoeboxes of meat can kiss my ass. Fuck

Actually, many updates. First, red wine and coke in equal parts is offically called a Calimocho . And, I might add, it's fucking A delicious. Second is the summer hoboing plans. A hobo from the latin homo bonus or good man, is vastly different from a tramp, a bum, or a drifter. A drifter usually has the skills to get a quick job drift around a town for a spell and then move on. A tramp is similar to a hobo in the way each hops trains to move from place to place but usually tramps stay in one place longer. Bums are the worst of the bunch, they're lazy, dishonest, and usually dangerous, operating with no regard for themselves, others, or their surroundings. Hobos are the most intelligent, safest, and best mannered of the bunch. Hobos often elect their own rulers (the Hobo King and Queen) and have some form of artistic talent. Anyway, the plan is to hobo from colorado to oregeon this june or july. I have some serious concerns ( like getting stabbed in the gut with a shiv by a bum

Living in Colorado and New York has given me a unique opportunity to see two vastly different educational systems. The private prep schools of the east coast are undoubtedly the finest examples of pedagogy , while many schools in America's Midwest are mediocre at best. Now an article in the Grey Lady reports on a new trend of Uber students termed " Zoomers " (I know, what a gay-ass name) that enter the nation's elite colleges at levels of preparedness well beyond what anyone I know ever came close to having. The sad part is the section of students I see the most of are on the other end of the brainiac scale. Sure some of them are smart, but many are academic weaklings who, when faced with serious, real-life job competition , stand no chance. The extended play of this little story is witnessed when these people grow up and become mediocre adults. I'm sure you know the type, the coulda'beens, the almost was's, the 32-year-old high school English teachers