How To

Properly duct tape your dog.



Step one: You need a reason to duct tape your dog, and because I want to isn't sufficient. Ok - any reason is prolly good enough to duct tape the mutt. Fukin tape away! Huzzah!


Step two: After finding a "reason", (ours was the dog was leaking after a botched surgery to remove a benign fatty mass - we super glued him first, which would have worked but the glue broke apart leaving sharp-edged, chunks of super glue matted with black hair. The vet thought a 80 pound lab would be ok with a few stitches - what a tard.) where was I? oh yeah - get some tape and cut it into sections that make a nice big square around the reason.


Step three: Mix a salve of vitamin E and some type of healing ointment. Apply the salve to a thick pad of gauze and stick to the underside of the taped square.


Step four: Apply the square to the dog. This is the most fun part. The over sized square isn't just for looks, it allows the tape to stick to plenty of dog fur, which is essential lest you find the square chewed up on the floor somewhere.


Step five: Chastise often. The dog will want to bite the tape - No, bad dog!


Step six (optional): Take pictures and laugh while hoping your best friend in the whole world doesn't die from the superglue and ointments he ingested.

Comments

  1. BugSeptember 10, 2007 at 12:37 PM

    Fascinating... however, I am confused about step 5; you see, while you say chastise, one can clearly hear you in the background offering encouragement. Please elucidate this seeming inconsistency.

    ReplyDelete

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