I love only two former presidents - here's one
I got what America needs
Posts
Also, don't try to teach
Moby Dick! For one, Moby Dick is Massive! Moby Dick easily turns into My Dick. Therefore - My Dick is Massive. For two, a story with Dick in the name should not have so many references to SEAMEN. (thanks, Flint, for the heads-up on that one) So there you go - forget about Melville, realism, symbolism, the fact that Herman and Nathaniel were Ass-pirates together , and all the other shit I had "planned" for the next week.
Taint
not just a verb! Add to list of words you can't say, along with dictate astronaut, pronounced ass- tronaut
Max's New Invention
Pondering the thought of yet another evening reciting Frost and contemplating quantum-post-neo-anti-Darwinism (where people who should normally, Darwinically, die off from excessive stupidity are actually being rewarded in today's society, even becoming president), Max decided to invent the greatest contribution to dog kind. The thought came from Max's uncanny ability to drip gross slobber water onto my bare toes after drinking from his giant water bowl. No small feat considering he once had to save water in his beard, walk all the way through the house, into the living room where I was watching golf and wring out his beard on my bare toes. So his new invention was the drool-materializer. Months of planing led to his device that could transport drool on to bare feet anytime within 30 minutes of drinking and in a range of 500 feet. I'll spare you the details of the inner workings, but know that it works!