Posts

Showing posts from May, 2008

what wind

on yonder buttcrack breaks?

me smart me talk at uni

put it in yo' calendars beyatches  - I is presenting sum shit @ the uni and I gets paid. This is how I do in the muthafukin summer time.

To: Absolutely NOT Hip

You are a wonderful person. I like beer. I suppose you feel like drinking beer See #1 You drink beer Sincerely, Riley 

stolen right off the Onion

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forgot to add 6. my jokes stay fresh forever

It all makes sense now

All of these delicious beers come from the same place - like that Simpsons episode where Homer doesn't know ham, bacon, and pork all come from the same animal "Oh yes, some magical animal?"

he he he "splendid" he he he

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Another Year

Man I'm old! No it's not my birthday, I am almost done with another school year. All of my kids were pretty good, they wished me a good summer - not knowing that I would be approaching hobo status (no shower, PBR's strewn about, perpetually in underwear ) while they were prepping for their first year of college - Yes, 6 weeks of sitting on the couch with the tv off, watching my phone not ring, and wondering how much more I can take. But there's always next year, like some movie you've seen before except the dialogue is somehow different and everyone else is the same age but you managed to get older and older, until you find yourself sitting here writing posts exclaiming how fucking old you are - yeah like anyone would want to read that shit. I would like to say that I will go to the gym everyday and get all buff and shit, but you fucking know that it is about a million times easier to hook up the PBR's and watch golf on tv . So add that to a list of things th

Wow

I love you guys - who ever the fuck anonymoose is, thanks for the update on Nokia. Plus I have seen that page a bunch before and laughed my face (which apparently is a piece of shit) off. I have to admit - after being all jazzed up to get a iphone, I am starting to rethink it. For one - it's $500 dollars - do you know what size crack rock I could buy with that? For two - I hear mixed reviews about the actual quality of it - I already have a phone that sucks For three - As soon as I buy it, there will be the iphone 2000 xl that is only $29.95 and smokes your pole while you make calls. For four - now that I have threatened sprint, they are up my ass to make nice - of course, they lose 50,000 customers a week! For five - did I mention $500 JFC!!! Anyway - the other funny part of the whole consumer whore thing is - and I said this in my last post - is who isn't one? People in Africa, that's who. And they wish they were. Who's that Russky who wrote "how much land does

Dear Loser

To Anonymous, Grow some balls and revel yourself if you're going to post "consumer whore" on this here blog. Also, the irony is you have a computer if you're reading this shit and you have Internet access, so I guess you're also a consumer whore. Do you live in a hut that you built yourself? On Walden pond? In Concord? You fucking hypocrite. Do you eat only food you grow yourself? I thought not. Hop in your Land Cruiser and go buy a pound of used clothes at the Goodwill and shut the fuck up.    Meanwhile, I'll go to Starbucks and have a Venti Mocha. ps Thanks for giving me something to rant about.

what else could I want?

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oh yeah this 

new shit

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