Movie Reviews and New Rating System

That's right 
I said Reviews, not just one but many, many many reviews.
First
The Piece of Shit Movie that is 

Pineapple Express

Holy crap, this is what passes for ganja movie these days? Absolute Crap from start to finish. Let's go over a checklist of movie components:
Acting: Crap
Dialogue: Crap
Plot: Crap
Setting, DVD Cover Art, Cinematography, Run Time, Premise, Devices, Characterization, Credits: Crap, Crap, Crap, Crappitycrapcrap! 

To think the once great genre pioneered by Cheech and Chong is reduced to PnaplExprs. Even How High was better and that movie sucked. With similar qualities to a Doritos' commercial, this uninspired travesty of a movie failed at even the most basic elements of a stoner movie. 
I give PnAplXrps 3 limp Donkey Dick sangwitches 


Then I watched 
Iron Man
Ok for a Marvel flick - I never really liked RD Jr. but he was ok in this - I think he was better in A Scanner Darkly but whatever. Jeff what's his name is really good as the traitor.
I give IrnMn 5 Golden Burritos


Then I fucking watched 
Hell Boy II Electric Boogaloo
It was ok - I like the genre so I start with a liking it bias, but the whole fire chick being preggers was weak and the lovey dovey shit with that one frog dude and the sister of that fucking methhead could have been cool if there was some freakiedeakie alien sex shit but watevs. I still liked the writing and overall visual effects of the movie.   
I give HlBoi2GldnRmy 2 Fur Tacos - they would have been wet tacos but Hlboi uses his gun to solve too many problems  instead of using diplomacy.

Stay tuned for next week when I review some other shit in my Netflix que

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Idiots

Image
Forgive me for inventing the "Blog." So many people (not me of course, or the bug, or some other people - but you know, most people ) have such shitty blogs that I now fear the wrath of a million sinning wannabe "writers" who think people give a fuck about what happened to them at the "Walmarts," or how their dog talks to flies, or overbearing spouses, or people who use too many commas. Now that my invention is completely out of control, I have to go around the world poking peoples' eyes out whilst simultaneously cutting off their fingers to prevent the further corruption of my invention . Please stand by for eye-poking-outing and finger-chopping-offing. If you don't see me in the next 48 hours, please cut your own fingers off, AFTER poking out your own eyes. Please people, this is important, if you cut your fingers off first, the poking of the eyes will be extremely difficult. Until then, there is a slight chance of redemption . If you must keep...
Read more

Summer is here

That means it's time for some serious medical information. Do you suffer from SBS ? Millions do, you could be one of them! SBS , or Sweaty Ball Syndrome , affects many unsuspecting men every summer . As the temperature rises, so do the chances that YOU could get SBS . "Last year, I got SBS so bad I couldn't even walk," claims Tad Fresher, a local man employed as the photo-finish operator at the turtle races. What can be done? you're wondering. Not much - as it is, even in the cooler months, men are afflicted with SBS . With the rise in temperature, it's inevitable that more will suffer. "My balls sweat - period, day or night, hot weather be dammed, they frikkin sweat year-round" exclaimed Feelmi SacDuWrink , an exchange student finishing his undergrad in Digital Environmental Bio-fusion.
Read more

Things I Might

Say to you if we lived together. I "accidentally" peed on your toothbrush What cake? I didn't think it was that dirty I'll do it later No, you're welcome Come on, just the tip What, oh - just kidding about the "tip" bit Let me check my schedule, um, NO I feel like some muthfukin Taco-Bell You didn't know I was a nudist?
Read more