Sport of Kings

Chess, as anyone with a brain knows, is the only board game that matters. Dumb people can't play chess (much like golf), which makes it all the more challenging because at times, I feel as though I can't play and I say, "Oh shit, I'm turning dumb."

So the point of this is to explain the best excuse ever for losing a game of chess. I don't just mean a good excuse, or a funny excuse, I mean the best excuse (read: reason) for losing at chess ever crafted in the known universe. Are you ready?

I lost at chess

because

the sun was in my eyes!

Special thanks to K.S. for that gem.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Idiots

Image
Forgive me for inventing the "Blog." So many people (not me of course, or the bug, or some other people - but you know, most people ) have such shitty blogs that I now fear the wrath of a million sinning wannabe "writers" who think people give a fuck about what happened to them at the "Walmarts," or how their dog talks to flies, or overbearing spouses, or people who use too many commas. Now that my invention is completely out of control, I have to go around the world poking peoples' eyes out whilst simultaneously cutting off their fingers to prevent the further corruption of my invention . Please stand by for eye-poking-outing and finger-chopping-offing. If you don't see me in the next 48 hours, please cut your own fingers off, AFTER poking out your own eyes. Please people, this is important, if you cut your fingers off first, the poking of the eyes will be extremely difficult. Until then, there is a slight chance of redemption . If you must keep...
Read more

Summer is here

That means it's time for some serious medical information. Do you suffer from SBS ? Millions do, you could be one of them! SBS , or Sweaty Ball Syndrome , affects many unsuspecting men every summer . As the temperature rises, so do the chances that YOU could get SBS . "Last year, I got SBS so bad I couldn't even walk," claims Tad Fresher, a local man employed as the photo-finish operator at the turtle races. What can be done? you're wondering. Not much - as it is, even in the cooler months, men are afflicted with SBS . With the rise in temperature, it's inevitable that more will suffer. "My balls sweat - period, day or night, hot weather be dammed, they frikkin sweat year-round" exclaimed Feelmi SacDuWrink , an exchange student finishing his undergrad in Digital Environmental Bio-fusion.
Read more

Things I Might

Say to you if we lived together. I "accidentally" peed on your toothbrush What cake? I didn't think it was that dirty I'll do it later No, you're welcome Come on, just the tip What, oh - just kidding about the "tip" bit Let me check my schedule, um, NO I feel like some muthfukin Taco-Bell You didn't know I was a nudist?
Read more