Essential Knowledge - or: what you had better know if you want to impress me - or: Because I said so is enough reason for you

  1. George Bush is an idiot
  2. People who believe in creationism are retards
  3. War is never the answer
  4. The bible was written by humans - not by god
  5. God was invented
  6. College will open your mind - but not if it's clown college, beauty college, or Dunkin Donuts University
  7. Global warming is real
  8. Vegetarians are good people
  9. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality (so don't be mad when I call you a fag)
  10. Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer to ever have lived
  11. Art is essential to happiness
  12. Golf is not a game; it is a way of life
  13. Your socks ain't shit
  14. Dogs are better than cats by about a million degrees
  15. Tool rocks - you can agree or be wrong
  16. Knife throwing is an essential skill
  17. The WTC was brought down by the government using thermite under the direction of Dick(head) Cheny
  18. Conan the Barbarian was a great movie
  19. Strawberries are the most overrated fruit
  20. People who have never had real jobs are bereft of respect
  21. It is impossible to be "pro life" and "pro war" without being "pro I'm a 'tard"
  22. The people who invented bacon and mayonaisse deserve more credit than the dork who invented work
  23. Women smell better than men - period
  24. Cheech and Chong are true comic geniuses
  25. White people can't dance for shit
  26. Hell is inhabited by people who litter, speed, and were cruel to animals (even cats)
  27. Too much tv makes you dumb
  28. Geology rocks
  29. Marijuana is an herb not a crime
  30. Your blog is mediocre at best (except you ;))
  31. People who use emoticons are dorks
  32. There really is always room for jello
  33. Women are irrational
  34. Men are pigs
  35. Walmart is destroying the planet
  36. Chagall is overrated
  37. The BeeGees' song "How Deep Is Your Love?" is really about vagina size

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 28, 2007 at 5:51 AM

    Because is not spelled 'becasue' - you should know, English teacher!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The ManApril 28, 2007 at 9:08 AM

    anonymous,

    you are clearly mistakened

    ReplyDelete
  3. JHMay 3, 2007 at 4:43 PM

    #15: To say that TOOL rocks would be greatly understating the truth, but I agree nonetheless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Altered EgoistMay 14, 2007 at 8:44 PM

    Tool is to music as Asteroids are to rocks! That should be the new catch phrase... Tool fuckin Asteroids dude!!!

    Cat's rule! Dogs can be cool but I haven't seen any cool dogs here in Pueblo, with the exception of Worm and Doode.

    My blog is not mediocre, it sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shitty McPoopMay 17, 2007 at 9:46 PM

    Fuck Yeah - fucking astroids

    ReplyDelete
  6. RitaNovember 11, 2008 at 6:16 AM

    This is great info to know.

    ReplyDelete

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