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Summer is here

That means it's time for some serious medical information. Do you suffer from SBS ? Millions do, you could be one of them! SBS , or Sweaty Ball Syndrome , affects many unsuspecting men every summer . As the temperature rises, so do the chances that YOU could get SBS . "Last year, I got SBS so bad I couldn't even walk," claims Tad Fresher, a local man employed as the photo-finish operator at the turtle races. What can be done? you're wondering. Not much - as it is, even in the cooler months, men are afflicted with SBS . With the rise in temperature, it's inevitable that more will suffer. "My balls sweat - period, day or night, hot weather be dammed, they frikkin sweat year-round" exclaimed Feelmi SacDuWrink , an exchange student finishing his undergrad in Digital Environmental Bio-fusion.
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Idiots

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Forgive me for inventing the "Blog." So many people (not me of course, or the bug, or some other people - but you know, most people ) have such shitty blogs that I now fear the wrath of a million sinning wannabe "writers" who think people give a fuck about what happened to them at the "Walmarts," or how their dog talks to flies, or overbearing spouses, or people who use too many commas. Now that my invention is completely out of control, I have to go around the world poking peoples' eyes out whilst simultaneously cutting off their fingers to prevent the further corruption of my invention . Please stand by for eye-poking-outing and finger-chopping-offing. If you don't see me in the next 48 hours, please cut your own fingers off, AFTER poking out your own eyes. Please people, this is important, if you cut your fingers off first, the poking of the eyes will be extremely difficult. Until then, there is a slight chance of redemption . If you must keep...
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Now

Now that I have paid off all of my credit card debt (thanks kt) I'll soon be adding to my zero balance. I won't go into great detail ( surprised ? I didn't think so) but it all adds up to the tune of 2large. Fuck it - just "get drunk and charge it" as my trusted advisers told me. So anyway - just thought I would give my two readers a glimpse into the financial future. On the bright side, I bought Visa at 55 and today's midday number was 71 - fuck yeah! Anything else? The end of the school year is fast approaching. I know many of the two of you are wondering what I'll be up to for 7 weeks, so I'll close with a list of possibilities. 1. golfing 2. drinking 3. shooting pool 4. rocking out with my cock out 5. listening to TOOL 6. did I mention golfing? 7. preparing to empower future generations 8. reading up on some obscure topic so I can sound smart at parties 9. having parties and forcing people to listen to some shit about how it is impossible to define...
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