Rico Amore Presents

ToMas, only because I said I would - not because I'm gloating or that I think it will ever happen again. It was shaping up to be a great day anyway. I was done with school for the week; I got home and the dogs weren't exploded so I let them out. I felt good about the prospect of playing a little December tennis since it was almost 60 degrees and sunny at 3:30. My playing partner is a nut for tennis like I am for golf. Hours spent discussing the nuances of the trajectories of spheres constitutes a temporary heaven. He is much a better player than I am; he has hit more balls and taken more lessons than I ever have. He is the coach of both tennis teams at a large high school, so he was obviously looking forward to kicking my ass up and down the court. The first glimmer of hope came when I held my serve leveling the score to one-one. Then I broke, 2-1, then I held again, 3-1, he held, 3-2, I broke again, 4-2, held again, 5-2, he held, 5-3 and I had a chance to serve out for the win...

The following story features a guy who beats his kid for not playing video games. You can't make this up - but you can post you best jokes about the kid or the loser.

This is a real "cut-and-paste" from my hometown newspaper. I should also tell you that Mr. W. Squires is a former student of mine. I should have spent more time on eluding and less time on elucidating, and perhaps he would have had his schnapps (he clearly doesn't know what he could have had with a little red wine and coke). CRIME BEAT Dad suspected of beating son, 7, for refusing to play video game By PATRICK MALONE and NICK BONHAMTHE PUEBLO CHIEFTAIN A Pueblo father is in jail for allegedly beating his 7-year-old son with a belt for refusing to play a video game with him. Markus Ellsworth French, 27, was arrested Monday on suspicion of intimidating a victim or witness, domestic violence, two counts of child abuse and menacing with a deadly weapon. Last week, personnel at French's son's school and a school resource officer questioned the boy about bruises on his legs and chest. The boy said he had run into a branch at a park, according to a report by Pueblo polic...

One fine day, the day before Thanksgiving to be exact, I took a stroll through the local municipal golf course. Sunlight shone through a spotless azure sky, birds sang mellifluous tunes to coat the ether with dewy musical airs. Grass underfoot retained its verdant strains, while only a few brown blades spotted the undulating plains like a gracefully graying gentleman. Fall's scent of decaying leaves and earth wafted across the grounds as I pondered what possibilities lay waiting to be discovered. The first hole left a uneventful par on the score card, while the second hole was witness to a twenty-five foot, down-hill, right-to-left breaker for a spectacular par. A near hole-in-one on the third left the building crowd gasping and wondering what might have been if Riley had only judged the wind correctly. A horrible travesty of justice marred the fourth hole led by a ignominious three-putt. Then magic happened. The Golf Gods smiled on brave Riley. The years of dedication, hard work, ...

to be _________________________.

On the news that yet another priest had inappropriate contact with a child, I am forced to write about the hypocrites who claim moral high ground while they are philosophically bound to the criminals, creeps, and cretins who exploit children, ruin the environment, and destroy the last bastions of personal freedom in the name of conservative politics. The most awful part of this most unfunny joke is that the very people who should be raging to the defense of liberty are the same ones who tow the line for the new third Reich. People who are anti-union are at the height of being anti-American. All the dollars you spend at walmart might as well be spent on poison for the working class. Hours you spend on your ass in front of the TV are hours that keep the political power concentrated among a handful of families. Not caring about the vanishing of quality public education is tantamount to not caring about the past, present, or future, so long as you have your microwave, computer, and SUV. Th...