Idiots
Forgive me for inventing the "Blog." So many people (not me of course, or the bug, or some other people - but you know, most people) have such shitty blogs that I now fear the wrath of a million sinning wannabe "writers" who think people give a fuck about what happened to them at the "Walmarts," or how their dog talks to flies, or overbearing spouses, or people who use too many commas.
Now that my invention is completely out of control, I have to go around the world poking peoples' eyes out whilst simultaneously cutting off their fingers to prevent the further corruption of my invention.
Please stand by for eye-poking-outing and finger-chopping-offing.
If you don't see me in the next 48 hours, please cut your own fingers off, AFTER poking out your own eyes. Please people, this is important, if you cut your fingers off first, the poking of the eyes will be extremely difficult.
Until then, there is a slight chance of redemption.
If you must keep typing, use a typewriter.
Now that my invention is completely out of control, I have to go around the world poking peoples' eyes out whilst simultaneously cutting off their fingers to prevent the further corruption of my invention.
Please stand by for eye-poking-outing and finger-chopping-offing.
If you don't see me in the next 48 hours, please cut your own fingers off, AFTER poking out your own eyes. Please people, this is important, if you cut your fingers off first, the poking of the eyes will be extremely difficult.
Until then, there is a slight chance of redemption.
If you must keep typing, use a typewriter.
.
ReplyDeleteWe work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!
You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.
As soon as we acknowledge
this Supreme Designer/Architect,
Who has erected the beauteous
fabric of the universe, our minds
must necessarily be ravished with
wonder at this infinate goodness,
wisdom and power.
Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.
There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.
Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Dr. Whoami
P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."
what the hell????
ReplyDeleteYou know, people won't leave arcane comments on your blog, designed only to pique interest in their own blogs
ReplyDeleteif you make them type in a verification word. Works for me!
anyone who uses the word "pique" correctly needs to be working on world peace or splitting atoms, not blogging.
ReplyDeleteSplitting atoms is actually pretty mundane, and world peace is hopeless... sorry to disappoint. I'll try to use "pique" incorrectly hereafter. Ok, I'm done. I think I'm going to go pique my nose.
ReplyDelete